Outskating his past

Brandon "Sugar" Sugden came to the Syracuse Crunch three seasons ago knowing that the continuation of his troubled hockey career was almost a game-by-game proposition.

Leaving behind a trail of professional problems and wasted opportunities caused by his admitted drug and alcohol addiction, Sugden has become one of the most popular players in team history. Part of that is attributable to his role as the Crunch's enforcer, a job that always wins fans' hearts when done well.

But Sugden, 28, has also scored points by showing the softer side of a tough guy.

He openly discusses the challenges to stay clean. He said in the last four years he's sipped alcohol just once, briefly slipping up at a friend's wedding.

He's a native of Toronto but lives in Syracuse almost year-round. This summer, he started a hockey camp here. He also operates "Sugar and Friends," his personal effort to help underprivileged children participate in sports.

Sugden recently shined a light on a more private, serious side, one that leads his fight to keep outskating his past:

In my words

The thing that many people don't understand is there's a difference between simply not drinking and being sober. Sobriety includes being a nice person, and treating others well. That's what I'm trying to do. It's easy to quit drinking, at least for me. It's hard to be sober.

Being sober is not kicking the dog when you come home, it's not getting upset when someone cuts you off in traffic. I used to have the worst road rage you've ever seen. When I drank, most of the time I was still a good person. But maybe 10 percent of the time, I was the scariest person out there. It's no way to live.

Hockey, like many sports, is a culture that often involves drinking. And I love hanging out with the guys. I believe you have to have team chemistry. If I'm out with the team and there's some drinking going on, I'll just stick to my Red Bull or my Sprite. Sometimes, my teammates will kid with me, say, 'Hey, Sugar, pass the beer. But you better not drink it.' I just laugh. I've learned you don't have to drink to have a good time.

I've enjoyed my time in Syracuse and have tried to get out in the community. Occasionally, people will recognize me in social situations. If you see me out there, don't treat me any differently. I'm not a weirdo. I just have a drinking problem.

But, of course, don't offer me a beer. I could probably handle a little bit. But down the road I know eventually I'm going to end up having 15 beers and throw my life away. The one way to stop from doing that is not to take that first sip.

People who haven't abused drugs and alcohol can't grasp how quickly they can distort your reality. My dad once told me that I would never get to the NHL if I didn't get off drugs. My response? What good would it be to make all that NHL money if I couldn't spend it on drugs?

Before I came to Syracuse, I sometimes practiced and played under the influence of cocaine and alcohol. I once had the name of my drug dealer tattooed on my left bicep. My coach asked me what it meant. I said it was Greek for "Good luck." Right. After about a year, I got it covered up by another design.

When I first joined the Crunch, I attended a handful of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. They were OK, but what I've found to be more helpful since is getting together with a recovering alcoholic friend I've made in town, Anthony. We hang out maybe three, four times a week. We just talk, watch hockey. In my opinion, an addict can't get help from someone who is not an addict. They don't understand how an addict thinks. It's a disease, not a choice.

I was born an alcoholic and I'll die an alcoholic. Hopefully, I'll never have another drink in my life. But I have an addiction. It will always be there.

This has been a great three years for me personally. Before, I thought that my teammates liked me. But it wasn't that they liked me. They were scared of me. Now, I have friends because they like me, not because they are scared of me. People call me in the summer and say, 'Hey, Sugar, how's it going?' I never had that before.